I'm horribly horribly anxious these last few weeks pregnant. I'm having horrible nightmares about horrible things happening. I have horrible insomnia and if I do fall asleep due to pure exhaustion then I wake up in a panic. I have never been the type for panic attacks of anxiety but I"m truly starting to understand people who have it.
I worry about people coming into the house and killing me or kidnapping my unborn child yes I realize thats entirely Impossible seeing that she is still in side me but its gory its bloody its a night mare. My husband going Missing and being unlocatable and gone and with no reason and I go looking or him and I can't find him. those are like my worst nightmares.
then my more realistic fears include but are not limited too something awful happening to julia. Her being still born, dying in delivery, the house catching fire, my husband loosing his job, something awful happening to the baby. someone dropping the baby. I honestly can't imagine letting anyone near her. out of fear that something awful would happen.
I can't stand when my husband is away and I cant stand to leave the house. Now in fairness this is sooo UNLIKE ME and has only started happening I better just snap out of it cause I can't deal with this. I need to remind myself that nothign bad is going to happen and even if it did we would be able to work through it
I wish Bryan would talk to me and reassure me and make me feel better but there ya go midnight insomnia typing madness :( Now maybe that I got that out of my system I can go to bed.
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